At a certain age, you stop dating for fun and start dating with marriage in mind. Well, that’s the way it should be for anyone that’s not just looking to get laid and move on. I’ve been single for most of my life because of this. Sure, I’ve had some “semi-serious” relationships in my past. The ones where you talk about your future with the other person, but mostly because that’s just the next step. You’re comfortable with that person. You’re not unhappy with them, so you try to imagine a future with them. You talk about the future in hopes that the more you talk about it the more you can actually see it happening. But 9 times out of 10, all that talk just makes you realize that it’s just that… nothing but talk.
What you do once you realize that it’s just talk is what really matters. I think even those “semi-serious” relationships were a big part of my life. They’ve helped me learn and grow. They’ve shaped me into the woman I am today. They’ve helped me become a better future wife to the man I will marry someday.
However, had I decided to continue a relationship with someone because I was comfortable with them or because I wasn’t necessarily unhappy with them, I would’ve likely wound up unhappy at some point later in life. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable. I think when the right person comes along you’ll be more comfortable with them than you’ve ever been with anyone else.
The right person will push you just out of your comfort zone just enough to help you grow in the right ways. They will help you grow into a better person, so that in turn you can better contribute to the relationship. While you may be comfortable with the right person, you’ll also be slightly scared because for the first time you can actually envision a future that you never have with anyone else. Go with that fear. I’m convinced that fear is better than settling. It has to be.
There’s a saying that says, “Nothing ever grows in a comfort zone.” I think this same principle can be applied in relationships. Stop settling for comfort. If you can’t push your significant other out of their comfort zone to improve your relationship, your relationship will probably never grow. If anything, it will probably suffer.
The point of a relationship (in my opinion) is to help each other grow into better people. Sure, there’s all that lovey dovey rainbows and butterflies stuff. What’d Maroon 5 say? “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies. It’s compromise that moves us along.” Yes, I know. It’s corny. But, it’s true. The best relationships have their highs. But every relationship has its lows. I believe the right person for you will fight through the lows, so you can both come out stronger. So you can reach a new high together.
It may not always be the case, but from witnessing friends and loved ones that have dated and/or married someone they were “comfortable” with, the lows didn’t bring new highs. The lows brought out the ugly in the relationship. It brought out blame and guilt trips and digging up the past. It brought out name calling and threats and words that can never be taken back.
You can take this whole thing with a grain of salt because, like I said, I’ve been single most of my life. Who really wants to get relationship advice from the single chick? Probably not many people. What I can say is this… while there haven’t been many men to make me truly happy in a relationship, I’ve been able to find true happiness in all of my singleness. I’ve been able to find comfort in myself. I’ve been able to make myself into a stronger person by myself, so I’ll be ready to give the best of me when the right man does come along.
So, if you’re willing to listen to the single chick dishing out relationship advice, please don’t settle. You deserve the best. You deserve someone who you will not just be comfortable with, but someone who will make you completely and undeniably happy. Wait. Wait for someone who brings out the best in you. Wait for someone who will fight through the valleys in your relationship, so that you can reach your mountain tops together. Wait for the person that you can not only see a future with, but you couldn’t see living another day without. Wait. And in all that waiting, be comfortable with yourself. Be happy with yourself.