Someone wrote this on Goodtherapy.com:
Hi. I’m not sure how to say this so I’ll just say it. I masturbate at least twice a day. Whenever I finish, I feel a profound sense of shame about it and I feel terrible for like an hour. Sometimes the shame even ruins my day. Everything I’ve read says masturbation is normal for guys, yet I can’t get past these feelings of shame and self-hatred. I feel like I should be able to exercise more willpower and stop myself when I feel the urge, but the truth is I like it and I don’t want to stop. And I’m not hurting anybody (except myself, I guess), so why should I? Do I have a problem? Why do I feel so bad about doing something that is supposedly normal? I’m not in a relationship, if that matters at all. —Deeply Ashamed
I don’t know if this message sounds like you or someone close to you. I have numerous number of case similar to this, people whose lives masturbation has taken away from them, those that masturbation has rendered useless and those who have feeling serious sense of guilt and shame. Wether you are just having masturbation for fun or you are already addicted, follow me on this journey as we unveil the topic of masturbation.
About ten years ago, if you google masturbation, you will see all sort of consequences on the internet like hair loss, palms growing hair, premature ejaculation, even blindness, a very long list of consequences. About five years back, you will also see that the list has reduced and today, maybe about 1% of Google result is going to give you consequences of masturbation. The world is tending to a situation where what we termed consequences are becoming acceptable situations that one can live with.
While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable, and safe. It is now been accepted as a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout lifetime according to some school of thought.
I listened to a Radio show within the week, and one of the ladies was talking about how, America wants to dictate to the world what should be our human right, for example, you don’t want to be gay or lesbian but the developed countries are telling you it’s your right to be. As human, you should be able to also control your choices, human beings are not animals who doesn’t have control over their emotions, you are not an helpless being who couldn’t control his/her urge or desire unless you choose to.
This same scenario repeated itself when you try to read about Pornography. I was reading an article online about “does pornography has any benefit for couples” and the best I can get from all the points is that it will help you to avoid cheating and also help you fantasize about another person while making love to your spouse. So thinking about other people while making love to ones spouse has become the
Masturbation is very common, more common than you can imagine. Studies show that about 7 out of 10 adult men and more than 5 out of 10 adult women masturbates. There are different percentage of people masturbating online, but the truth remains that masturbation has eaten deep into the society.
Masturbation is a good topic most learned people don’t want to talk about because of its controversial nature. Most Counselors or social workers always find themselves in a difficult situation when discussing the topic with clients especially in this part of the world because of our societal values and religious beliefs.
When I discussed masturbation on my Tv show, it was as a result of the rate of occurrence of counseling with people battling with masturbation issues, and it was during this period I realized that this is a topic worth discussing because of its impact on the society.
I have seen a lot of couples battles my with erectile dysfunction as a result of husband been addicted to masturbation, I have counsel general overseer who couldn’t do well in the place of prayer as a result of guilt from masturbation.
Many people think that others masturbate only when they do not have a sex partner. But that is not true. In fact, people who have regular sex partners are more likely to masturbate than people without sex partners. Research shows that married people masturbates more than singles now, that is why a lot of married women are resulting to sex toys and self satisfaction.
In discussing this topic, I’m not going to be talking from the medical angle but from the social, mental and psychological perspectives, my conclusions are drawn from years of experience in counseling people, studies and research and people’s opinion, but at the end of the day, it’s not in my place to judge or condemn anyone, I will give you my strong reasons, and its left for you to draw your conclusion and make your choice.
Masturbation is commonly defined as touching one’s own body, including sex organs, for sexual pleasure.
When you do it alone or yourself, it’s called masturbation.
Some people will call touching your partners genital masturbation, but I agree with the school of thought that calls it foreplay.
Some children has the attitude of touching themselves, this shouldn’t be termed masturbation, because to these young ones, it’s just a simple harmless act as picking one’s nose.
There are many slang terms for masturbation, including
- Jacking off
- jilling off
- jerking off
- spanking the monkey
- double clicking the mouse
- self-love etc
Masturbation often ends in orgasm, but not always. There’s hardly any way you can talk about masturbation without talking about pornography, they go hands in hands. Porn is the major trigger for masturbation.
WHY DO PEOPLE MASTURBATE/ EXCUSES FOR MASTURBATING
The most common reasons adults give for masturbating are:
To feel good about oneself
To relieve sexual tension
To avoid pregnancy or STDs
To achieve sexual pleasure
To avoid loneliness
As a form of therapy by some school of thoughts
To avoid cheating
Not getting enough sex/satisfaction
The search for orgasm and sexual frustration in marriage: in fact research shows that higher percentage of married people or people in a relationship tends to get involved in masturbation more that those who are not.
ARE THERE CONSEQUENCES FOR MASTURBATION/ IS MASTURBATION NORMAL?
Like I said before, While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable, and safe.
Research states that Masturbation is only considered a problem when it inhibits sexual activity with a partner or causes significant distress to the person. It may cause distress if it is done compulsively or interferes with persons lifestyle or daily activities.
So, maybe to talk about consequences of masturbation, we should concentrate on those whom masturbation has taken their lives from them, those who wish to stop but couldn’t. As human, you should have control over the choices you make, but when it’s the other way round, when you wish to say no for whatever reason and you can, then you have a big problem in your hand.
I decided to use sample people’s opinion two weeks ago and from the responses, only about 2% agreed that they have control over masturbation, every other person wish they could stop but they couldn’t. So I’m going to base my conclusion on these responses. It looks like it’s near impossible to get involved in masturbation without getting addicted.
Just like Pornography is designed to entrap people in the slavery of their own desires, so is masturbation, Over time, masturbation just like pornography will become addictive and intensify, drawing its victims into deeper and darker depths of depravity.
I remember a young man that walked into my office sometimes ago, he was struggling with masturbation and was trying to come out of it. He was already a Lone Ranger always wanting to be alone to have the opportunity to masturbate, he came to my office with a very funny looking tiny Nokia phone, the type we call pako phone here, this phone is loaded with pornography of all sorts and those are the triggers of the compulsive reaction he’s having.
So, the question is, is it possible not to become an Oliver Twist when it comes to masturbation? And what happened when you are addicted ?
How do you know you are addicted:
Feeling powerless at resisting the urge to masturbate.
Trying unsuccessfully to stop or limit the time viewing porn.
Loss of interest in partners
Loss of interest in the opposite sex
Continuing to masturbate irrespective of the obvious consequences, such as job or relationship loss.
Neglecting family, work and/or social obligations to masturbate.
Feeling as though you are living a double life because of masturbation.
Spending a significant amount of time thinking about masturbation
Becoming stressed, anxious and/or irritable if unable to masturbate
Frequently spend more time and/or money on porn and masturbation than was initially intended.
Passing up opportunities in order to have more time to masturbate
Becoming angry, hostile or irritable if asked to stop
Is masturbation gradually taking your life away from you, or you seems helpless and overpowered by the desire to masturbate against your will and you will like to come out of it? Reach Dr. Tolu for private appointment here: CLICK HERE or call 08035037992.