Recently, my parents celebrated their 40th anniversary. As we were celebrating, I leaned over and asked my father what he felt about being married for 40 years. He looked at me and said, “It’s pretty depressing knowing that you have been married longer than you have been single!” He smiled, laughed and then quoted, “Never take it too seriously. Remember to have joy in the journey. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”
I have noticed a lot of things that people say or write about marriage. For example, there are, “The Top 3 reasons to Help Strengthen Your Marriage” or “5 things I wish I’d Known Before I Got Married.
As I read these articles, I felt a little depressed because of how they started out. Almost every article started out like this: “Well, the first two years of our marriage was really really hard and I almost felt like leaving or getting a divorce but I’m glad I didn’t.”
They would say after the first years of marriage things became a lot better. So my question is: Why was it so hard for the first years of marriage?
Here’s why I believe people think marriage is so hard.
THE EASY WAY OF LIFE
The number one reason is we all like the easy route in life. I mean, if there’s an easy way, and it’s not dangerous, we’d be dumb not to take it, right? We get so used to finding that easy way because we live in a world where information is at our fingertips and things come instantly. A true marriage bond is something that cannot happen with a snap of fingers.
Of course, you can get married on a whim in Las Vegas. You might have a paper that certifies your marriage, just like any other ceremony out there. But to reach a true marriage bond, true love takes time. That’s why I love to see a couple who has been married for more than 40 years and still love each other.
Reason number two is because when two people come from totally different backgrounds, have different personalities and try to make things work you’re going to have issues. You’re going to have obstacles but that’s what this life is all about. It’s not about instant gratification. It’s not about getting things easily.
SPORTS AND MARRIAGE
I think back when I was first learning how to play hockey. I would consider myself a fair athlete. I had some natural ability to play sports–football, soccer, basketball, and baseball came easily. Now, I was no superstar but I could play those sports and, without much effort, become an average player.
But when I wanted to play hockey, it took a lot of effort and hard work on my part to learn how to play. I felt hockey was one of the hardest sports out there. I not only had to learn how to skate and how to handle a small puck with a stick. I also had to avoid huge monsters that were coming to knock the crap out of me. But I fell in love with the sport. I absolutely loved it! There was nothing I thought of more.
I can honestly say learning how to play hockey was really really hard but I wouldn’t change those times learning how to skate and how to shoot. I never had so much fun trying to learn how to play. If I would have just been born great and never really had to work at playing then I probably wouldn’t have the love for hockey that I do now. Every time I go skating, the flood of emotions fills me as I remember all the memories from those days.
CHICK FLICK FILMS
I would never trade that hard work and to me that’s what marriage is–you have to learn how to work hard for it because it will not come easy. If you think it will come easy then you’ve been watching too many Hollywood chick flick films about how two people magically begin to love one another and they have a fairy tale ending.
One of my biggest peeves against chick flicks is when you watch, one of the main characters has to change and they change overnight and the couple will live in marital bliss the rest of their lives. It’s never that easy and I don’t think it’ll ever be that easy because if it was, no one would ever appreciate what they really have.
Yes, marriage is hard but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. What in this world is ever easy and if it is, people take it for granted. It’s those who work hard for the values they hold close who understand it is the joy in the journey. It is finding the joy through the hard work that you’re doing.
HARD WORK PAYS OFF ,NOW AND AFTER.
Hockey was hard at first but when I started to learn and was able to get a little bit better, it became fun and exciting and I got good. To me, marriage is the same way once you work at it day by day, little by little. If you work hard at it, then something happens and you start to change.
You will start wanting to put your spouse’s and your children’s needs above your own to feel that pure joy. In this life, it’s all about serving other people. It’s all about feeling that true love for someone other than yourself.
People think when they hear “it’s hard” they automatically think that it isn’t fun or there is no joy in “it’s hard”. Those who think that are the ones that have never truly lived. They have never really learned what it feels like to work hard for something that you love.
CULLED FROM MARRIAGE FAMILY STRONG